Can't Keep a Good Girl Down or a Bad One Either

Told ya my pity party would be short lived.  I spent most of today still in a funk.  Every Wednesday I go to see my trainer, Danny.  Yes, even trainers have trainers.  Like anyone else, we can sometimes lack perspective and the watchful, unbiased eye of a professional can be most useful.

During my session things just seemed to click.  I felt coordinated and in control.  He was praising me along the way that felt oh so good. I'm overly wrapped up in the need for his approval.  I finish a lift and immediately search his face for any traces of disappointment or the validation that I crave.

Danny kept a close eye on me careful to monitor my shakes.   The shakes are an outward sign of stress that will betray me every time.  I've learned how to hold onto myself and stand on one foot to make them a little less noticeable.  He asked me how I was doing and I quickly said, "fine:".  I was fired up and I wanted to keep going.  By now he knows his job is as much to rein me in as spur me on.  He made me hold out my hands and I was revealed as the liar I am.  We proceeded with the workout at a reasonable pace so as not to offend my nervous system.  He handles me like I would handle my clients.  He gives me the same well reasoned advice I would give my own clients.  I need him for his expertise but more so I need him to gently remind me that the rules do apply to me.

Yesterday, I was mourning the slow insidious advancement of my decline.  Today, I'm more optimistic and recommitted to the fight.  I'm going down swinging.  Literally.

What's Shaking?

Jan. 16, 2013

So I feel pretty sorry for myself today and thank goodness this doesn't happen very often or at least when it does, it's pretty short lived.  My bestie at work, my partner in crime (P.I.C.),  a beautiful and smart, loud and obnoxious, extremely wise for her age because she's been to re-hab, 24 year old snot, sees to it by giving me no slack and making darn sure I laugh along with her as she laughs at me.   I love her to death and she helps keep me almost sane.  Here's a sample of  our handiwork.

Anyway, I wasn't laughing today.  I cannot and will not ever be able to snatch a 35 pound kettlebell 100 times over my head in 5 minutes.  Most people don't even know what that means and not many people can do it either.  There are worse things in the world to be sure and I feel so stupid sometimes that I let stuff like this get to me.  The snatch test is a minimum requirement for an advanced kettlebell certification.  For those of you who are still wondering what the heck it is, this is a kettlebell.

A snatch is an overhead movement that requires strength, stamina, and finesse.

Observe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o8gECEjU9U  

I actually sat in front of my poor boss today during a meeting and cried about this.  Mostly I cried because I think the rules shouldn't apply to me.  I've never won an Olympic medal or broke the tape in the Boston marathon but I've been able to accomplish most things I've set out to do.  I'm not bragging.  I get things done it's who I am.  I don't have any special innate abilities other than a strong will and the willingness to work hard.  The thing that makes me so bitter is that Parkinson's disease trumps all of that.  My body will not cooperate with me and it's only going to get worse.

Cheery thoughts huh?  I'm not always so whiny, I promise. Well, if you're still reading and you decide to come back to tomorrow I think I will have bucked up a bit by then and I can fill you in on some of the back story like:

• how I used to be 230 pounds 
• how I ran 2 marathons and why
• why the only good part of this is that everywhere I go I'm told I'm too young to have this disease and  to somebody pushing 40 I'll take what I can get
• how I love my job as a personal trainer so much that I'd still go to work the day after hitting the lottery
• why I got a motorcycle 
• how I can agree to anything ahead of time including a ski trip just for parkies - you know you'll want to hear about a bunch of spazzoids on a ski slope!  

This blog can't and won't be all about Parkinson's Disease.  I've got too much else to say to let this completely define me.