Taming the Tempest That Brews Within 

One Page at a Time

I don't know why my boss gets under my skin the way he does but I'm almost glad for it even if I violently disagree and am left to nurse a bruised ego or a hurt set of feelings while I mutter under my breath.  He pushes me to substantiate the gelatinous mess of standard operating procedure and raw emotion that is me.

So here's the gist of the conversation as I heard it:

A new hire has a significant weight loss experience similar to myself except that he thrives on working with weight loss clients whereas I do not.  When I raised an eyebrow and wondered aloud how he tolerates weight loss clients the boss said he has a real passion for it and I do not because I'm lacking in empathy.  Ouch!
 
I originally got into this business to help others find their way to health as my trainer changed my life.  Rather quickly I became aware of the fact that not everyone is like me. What a wake up call! ;-)  I ran headlong into my problem of being overweight, crashed and burned, picked myself up and dusted myself off, put a helmet on and crashed into a brick wall again and again until I finally, with the help of a $500 "summer fun money" gift from my Dad, enlisted the help of a trained professional.  For 5 years, I had been running marathons and moving the weights around at the gym in an unsuccessful bid to rid myself of myself of my "pregnancy weight". My "baby" was 8 years old!  

It wasn't until I hit rock bottom that I sought professional advice. Rock bottom for me was calling the fit consultant at Lands End because according to my measurements 46-38-40 (man, that's embarrassing) I didn't fall neatly within a size category on the chart so the fit consultant was touted as the person to call in such instances to give garment-specific advice.  When I relayed my measurements the operator giggled nervously and said, "oh dear!" Oh dear indeed!  I don't blame her now but after that call I hung up the phone, cried myself to sleep and then hired a trainer.
 
My trainer sounded the alarm when my efforts were not in keeping with my results.  Turns out that I had an undiagnosed thyroid problem and had been living as a fat anorexic for years.  Eating less and doing more as my father so helpfully suggested all throughout my life, while generally good advice, does not hold if you're hypothyroid. "You've got such a great personality, if only you could lose that weight you'd have an unbeatable combination." was similarly unhelpful.  

As per usual, I was exceedingly slow to seek outside help but when I did I was after the missing piece of information not hand-holding nor moral support.  I had all of the inner strength, determination, and motivation to accomplish the task, I just needed the expertise to guide me to my destination.  I'm not saying that I didn't benefit from the teamwork and collaborative effort of my trainer.  I had an ally in the fight but he couldn't have done it for me. My boss is famous for saying, "meet people where they're at" besides being a grammatically poor statement, it seems that would be a completely ineffective way to proceed. If I'm looking for a way out, I want a guide to show me the way.  I don't want them to sit down right next to me. 

My brother, my sister and myself.
Ocean City, New Jersey 2002.
I'd already run a half marathon the year before.

I know exactly what it's like to lose weight.  It's a gruelingly cruel long haul process. When someone says they want help on the subject I know first hand how to do it and I believe that having been there myself, having walked many miles in size 22 jeans gives me a uniquely empathetic viewpoint that a natural born sanctimonious Adonis would lack. It's when that weight loss client isn't ready to make the lifestyle changes necessary and when I can't substitute my will for theirs that I lose momentum but not empathy.