It Is About the Nail!

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No matter what side of the proverbial well appointed counselor's office I'm on, I want the solutions to be quickly identified.  So it was illuminating when I relayed the situation of the last post to a friend and it was used as a springboard to a teaching moment that furthered my growth.  My friend is wise enough to know the problem couldn't be fixed for me.  I wasn't blindly backed by simply saying "he's a jerk" because the boss had caused me pain.  I was listened to deeply I felt supported and safe enough to contemplate some thought provoking questions that allowed me to come to my own conclusions.  

"Find out for yourself why these situations annoy, anger or bore you. Reflect and identify the buttons that are pushed while working with others on their weight loss issues.  Make a determination as to whether you can work around your feelings to be effective in these situations."   

Weight loss is hard and no one can do it for another.  When a client comes to me it is hopefully so that I can help them in some way.  It never escapes my consciousness that people are paying a dollar a minute for my undivided attention.  Movement quality, strength, and balance are all areas in which I can have an impact almost immediately.  When someone identifies their weight as the issue, I am immediately and intimately aware of the pieces that go part and parcel with that.  Health concerns, the loss of oxygen while tying one's shoe, self loathing, public ridicule, embarrassment, self deprecating wit to cover the pain, a long trail of failed initiatives and the hopeless soul crushing feeling of helplessness.  

I want to rescue them from all of that as swiftly as possible.  I am a "fixer". I could swear I've been equipped with the wrong stereotypical gender qualities.  I've often felt more like one of the boys and mostly ill at ease among the girly-girls. I'm not capable of being stoic but I will talk about a problem only because I'm looking for a solution.  When a client comes to me for help on weight loss I feel responsible for the outcome but at the same time I realize it is a process where success or failure is largely not in my control.  If I were sitting across from the woman in the video I'd want to reach across and pull the nail from her forehead.  That's where I go wrong every time.  I sometimes lack the patience and wisdom to empower another to pull the nail from their own head.  

Telling someone what to do and having them do it and emerge successful is great when it happens.  It's a linear progression that I can see now is seldom successful.  In future I've got to remember the example set by my insightful advisor.  I was asked penetrating questions and allowed to construct my own truth that of course was acceptable to me.  I am thereby gifted the feeling of accomplishment, having figured it out myself.  I now have a clear direction to pursue because it was self selected and not dictated to me.  The next weight loss client will still have my empathy but they will also have a lot of questions to answer for themselves.