Cute then, now, not so much.

The Strong Only Survive

I know that's not the actual saying but I've come to understand my version of the wording to hold more truth.  Like a lot of people I grew up through adversity.  It defined me and shaped the person that I am today. I'm not into sharing my particular sob story as we all have them.  Suffice it to say I've weathered more than the woman who told me with a trembling chin about the horrors an older brother changing the t.v. channel on her.  

In kind words my reputation holds that I am a tough, irrepressible, self reliant woman.  That's what I needed to be in light of the challenges I faced earlier in my youth. I can look back over the span of my life so far and see that things aren't nearly that hard anymore. My life today is fairly easy in comparison and actually really wonderful.  I have a beautiful home that brings me peace, fantastic children that bring me joy, a fulfilling career, and friends that love and care for me.  

Why then have I not adapted?  Is it entirely necessary that my son and daughter see me as invincible?  Why do I continue to live as if I only have myself and no one else on whom I can depend?  Being independent and in need of no one gives me a sense of self satisfaction. I can live my life on my own terms and answer only to myself.  That's not to say I'm antisocial or a loner by any stretch.  I like people and I enjoy helping others.  It's only when I'm the one in need or someone offers to help me that I become anxious. 

Why!? I'm not entirely sure.  My theory at this point is that my personality has been on autopilot and stuck in overdrive.  I'm finding out albeit late in the game that I don't need to be alone anymore. I had a friend tell me as much.  

"Maureen, people love you and care for you and they want to help you.  You should take all the love and support they're offering without letting your pride get in the way!"

You can't get a much simpler message than that.  I'm letting it sink in and starting to take in the occasional favor here and there.  So far so good. I haven't completely folded.  I'm still an entirely competent person but I think I'm living a more fully interconnected life as intended.  I'm still strong and I'm thriving now, not merely surviving.